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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519073">The Dreadful Dinosaur Debacle</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisticsparkle/pseuds/Sadisticsparkle'>Sadisticsparkle (sadisticsparkle)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avengers Assemble (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dinosaurs, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Good Boyfriend Tony Stark, M/M, POV Tony Stark, Pouting Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:14:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,820</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadisticsparkle/pseuds/Sadisticsparkle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is an intruder in Avengers Tower and Tony Stark is <em>determined</em> to find out who brought him in, but the identity of the culprit might surprise him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Avengers Assemble Anniversary 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Dreadful Dinosaur Debacle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thanks to Fu and Lau because without them, I wouldn't have gotten the idea.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the one hand, yes, it was too late for dinner but that also meant that the kitchen was blessedly quiet and empty. Each counter glimmered with cleanliness — no mysterious smears, no bread crumbs, no opened milk cartons. Tony twirled before opening the fridge. That morning, in an unusual display of culinary foresight, he had taken some burgers out of the freezer so they could thaw. And now, all he had to do was make puppy eyes at Steve until he relented and cooked them for their weekly date night. Well, for Tony, really. He hoped Steve had eaten something, even if he hadn’t told Tony about it. It wasn’t odd for him to get lost in his work — sometimes one of the armor’s servos refused to work or he got a sudden idea for bubblegum arrows or whatever. Time would pass without him realizing it and then… Hm. Then usually Steve would interrupt him and take him out of the lab. He was very adamant about having dinner as a couple.</p><p>If Steve hadn’t eaten… then Tony needed to hurry up: because of his super soldier’s appetite, Steve got very grumpy when he was hungry. Yes. No time to lose! He opened the fridge and then… then all his plans were ruined because it was empty. Completely, absolutely, mysteriously empty. His burgers were gone, but so was everything else except for a jar of expired peanut butter, an opened can of sardines and musty, sad broccoli. Hard to combine those things unless you were the Hulk. Or Thor. Or Scott. Or… really, any Avenger when hungry enough.</p><p>‘FRIDAY, weren’t our groceries delivered yesterday?’</p><p>‘Yes, Tony. Our usual order. Do you want the details?’</p><p>‘No, I just want security footage of the previous 24 hours. From the kitchen cameras only.’</p><p>‘Sorry, Tony. It has been erased.’</p><p>‘Erased? By whom?’</p><p>‘That’s… well, I’m not allowed to tell you.’</p><p>There were only two people with his same level of clearance: Steve and Nat. But they weren’t the type of people to eat an entire fridge. Well, Steve had been known to do it, but he would have gotten more groceries delivered after. No, this was out of character for either of them, so Tony was sure they doing the real culprit a favor.</p><p>‘Fine, I’ll figure it out the old-fashioned way.’</p><p>His stomach growled. Okay. He needed food and fast. Fridge was empty, so that left actually… boiling something like rice or noodles. He opened the cupboards one by one and each time he was disappointed — the entire kitchen had been cleared out. All that was left was one sad, crumpled bag of chips left. <em>Dill Pickles</em>.</p><p>…</p><p>Well, take-out it was then.</p><p>‘FRIDAY, tell Steve we’re having take out for dinner. Ask him what he wants,’ he said while walking to the elevator. He’d go to his lab, order whatever Steve wanted, and review the footage from their last battle while he waited.</p><p>‘What did Steve want, FRIDAY?’ he asked, after sitting down on his chair at the lab. Sighing and leaning back, he opened the bag and then tasted one chip. It was briny and sour and not that crispy and he didn’t know why he was surprised.</p><p>‘He hasn’t answered.’</p><p>Really? Had he forgotten about date night? That was… odd. Hm. Steve never forgot about date night.</p><p>‘Fine. If he’s going to whine about me being late… order his favorite and then bring up the footage from yesterday’s battle, FRIDAY.’</p><p>He went over it with a fine comb. There were a few adjustments to be made. Clint had to pay more attention to where the Hulk was. The Hulk had to stop smashing things in Clint’s vicinity before Clint got pancaked into the pavement. Thor needed a refresher course on property damage.</p><p>Natasha’s Widow Stingers… yeah, they needed more juice. For normal battles, they worked well enough, but they had fought dinosaurs. Nothing too out of the norm, just some clueless poachers who had never seen <em>The Lost World</em> and had therefore decided to bring some Savage Land dinosaurs to New York; as if the sewer alligators weren’t enough. The point was that dinosaurs had meant she had been in trouble a bit.</p><p>Him and Steve… well, he had been very cool, if he said so himself. And Steve… Steve had grinned through the entire thing — he always loved it when he got to punch dinosaurs. The only note Tony made about him was ‘make suit a bit tighter around the ass’. All in all, it took him about an hour, and then he was done with his work and done with his grumpiness. Maybe it was time to check on Steve and maybe apologize a little. Or a lot.</p><p>‘FRIDAY, save my notes and turn everything off,’ he said, stretching out his back. Then, the chair rolled forward and Tony fell face-first into his workstation. He turned around — that hadn’t been Clint or Hulk, because something small was scurrying out of the lab, fast. An intruder. Dangerous, if it had managed to infiltrate the Tower. He began running after it, almost slipping on the shiny floor. His nose still throbbed with pain. He’d look ridiculous and this was date night. Whoever the culprit was, he was going to make him pay.</p><p>The intruder was tiny, but that made it very fast. It turned around corners like a pocket-sized F1 car while squealing like a very weird pig and Tony had trouble keeping up. He had slacked off in his training regimen lately — yes, Steve would be angry but Tony was busy and…</p><p>Damn it. If the thing didn't slow down, Tony would need all the help he could get.</p><p>‘Avengers, there is an intruder in the Tower! What was that, FRIDAY?’</p><p>‘Seems to be a dinosaur.’</p><p>Okay. That made some sense. One of the dinosaurs from the day before, but how had it escaped and how had it infiltrated the Tower? He’d have to review…</p><p>Security footage. Oh, damn. The food in the fridge. The food in the fridge somebody with opposable thumbs had fed to the tiny dinosaur running around the Tower. He didn’t know which one of his teammates was responsible, because it could be any of them. Even Natasha — she was weak to destructive things who couldn’t help it.</p><p>He was beginning to lose steam — he was going to ask Steve to train him again, that’d be fun. The creature vanished around a corner and Tony followed, only to be faced with the Hulk’s stretched hand. Inertia made it impossible to stop before crashing against the green giant, which wasn’t looking jolly at all. That was understandable, considering the dinosaur shrieking in his other hand.</p><p>‘Was this the intruder?’ Natasha asked. Had she left the Hulk’s room…? Okay, he wasn’t going to think about that, not now.</p><p>Tony leaned against the wall, catching his breath. He raised a finger at both of them.</p><p>‘Yes. And I’m calling an Avengers meeting right after we control him.’</p><p>Controlling the critter wasn’t as hard as Tony had imagined — the dinosaur had decided it would like a nap now, really, and had promptly fallen asleep cradled inside Hulk’s hand. It was only a matter of putting a portable forcefield around it and let it sleep off his adventure. Tony hated to admit it, but it was cute — neon pink with big yellow spots, a long neck, and a tail as long as the dinosaur itself.</p><p>Well, now it was time for the unpleasant part. During the elevator ride up to the living room, he schooled his face into his best Disappointed Captain America impression, adding just a hint of puppy eyes. He had practiced it, using footage of Steve’s lectures, and thought it was quite a good one.</p><p>The team was already there when he arrived. Clint was in his Disney’s Robin Hood pajamas, Steve was still sulking about date night, Thor’s hair was a mess and Natasha and Hulk kept whispering to each other.</p><p>A normal late-night team meeting.</p><p>‘Look, I’m not going to demand any of you fess up, but… I can’t believe I have to say this… please no dinosaurs in the Tower. It’s a pet-free zone.’</p><p>Hulk sighed dramatically.</p><p>‘Yes, Hulk?’</p><p>‘It’s cute. And small. Hulk likes him.’</p><p>‘He’d be a great companion to Bilgie!’</p><p>‘Hey, are…’ Clint said, with a grimace Tony thought was as rehearsed as his Disappointed Leader Face. ‘No, we can’t keep a dinosaur as a pet! It’s a dinosaur! They grow!’</p><p>‘We can return him to the Savage Land when he gets too big then.’</p><p>Nat was Team Unreasonable, then. Odd, but she had earned the right to be as ridiculous as her teammates.</p><p>‘No. We’re not introducing an exotic, extinct species back to the New York ecosystem. We’ll take him to the Savage Land tomorrow. And that’s final, right, Cap?’</p><p>Cap nodded, once, but said nothing. That was bad news because Steve was always very gung-ho about responsibility and taking ownership of your actions and eating all your vegetables. Was he that grumpy about date night?</p><p>‘Can I at least keep him for tonight? Bilgey would have a lot of fun.’</p><p>‘… only if you promise you won’t hide him tomorrow.’</p><p>‘I swear by the All-Father’s and the Norns’ beards!’</p><p>‘Wait, aren’t the Norn… Guess what, I won’t ask but okay, if you swear you’ll let me take it away tomorrow, he can sleep in your room, Thor.’</p><p>‘That’s not fair!’ Hulk said, his shoulders sagging, but it didn’t matter. Thor was already out of the room with the dinosaur safely in his arms.</p><p>The Hulk walked after him, while Natasha patted him on the back.</p><p>‘Hey, you don’t want him to destroy your glass figurines, do you?’</p><p>The Hulk sighed again and then Tony waited until he couldn’t hear his voices anymore, which meant he was free to enact his plan. He leaned against the table with a smirk.</p><p>‘Hey, what about ordering from that burger place you like so much?’</p><p>Oh, Steve was really really grumpy because all he did was shrug once before standing up.</p><p>‘Is everything alright?’</p><p>‘Yes. I’ll meet you in our room,’ Steve said and walked away. What had gotten into him?</p><p>‘… the usual?’ Tony yelled, but Steve said nothing back.</p><p>Experience told Tony he had to order Steve’s favorite burger and three orders of fries. It didn’t take long — the Tower was The Burgeroise Pig’s best client —, so Steve wouldn’t get too much time to stew in his own judgmental juices. After tipping the delivery boy in the generous way of a billionaire that didn't know what money was, he piled the food containers on his arms and went up to their room. It wasn’t much, but he was tired, Steve was grumpy and a low-key date night was just what they needed.</p><p>He kicked the door open and found Steve already laying down on their bed with his arms crossed. In the dark. Okay, this was SULKCON-2, only one level before Steve ran away on a road trip and grew a beard. Time for desperate measures before unfortunate facial hair decisions were made. Why couldn’t Tony have a normal date night?</p><p>Steve had taken off his shoes and the cowl, but nothing else, which was weird because Steve was a stickler about not bringing dirty clothes to bed — which Tony didn’t mind because he slept naked like all unbearably sexy people did. Right. Tony’s animal magnetism would come in handy here. Swaying his hips and sticking out his butt, he put the food on their coffee table, kicked off his shoes, and walked to the bed.</p><p>‘We’re eating in bed? Thought you hated the crumbs.’</p><p>‘I’m not hungry.’</p><p>‘That’s a lie.’</p><p>‘It’s not,’ Steve said, at the same time his stomach growled.</p><p>‘Sure. Look, I’ll pretend you’re not sulking and go eat my burger. If you feel like joining me, you know where to find me.’</p><p>He sat down on their sofa and took out his burger from its container. It smelled heavenly, but Steve’s burgers would have been better. Stupid dinosaur. Stupid Avenger who had brought it in. He bit into his burger and enjoyed the way the flavors — pickles, bacon, egg, fresh lettuce, heirloom tomatoes, great not-at-all-soggy bread — exploded in his mouth like a perfect savory, rich bomb.</p><p>Then, he moaned exactly the same way he did when Steve sucked his dick.</p><p>Ha. Without looking at him, Steve sprang from the bed and dragged his feet to the sofa. He let himself fall next to Tony and began eating, still frowning and still pouting. Oh no, he was eating fries by the fistful. This was not normal.</p><p>‘Steve, what’s wrong with you?’</p><p>‘Nothing.’</p><p>‘I’ll steal your burger if you don’t tell me the truth.’</p><p>Steve looked at him, pouting mightily. ‘We could’ve kept him. We have enough space.’</p><p>‘Him? … you mean the dinosaur?’</p><p>Steve nodded. Tony bit into his burger again and then something dawned on his mind. The clearance. Steve’s love of punching dinosaurs. Steve not bothering him about date night.</p><p>‘… It was <em>you</em>? You brought him here? I thought it was the latest of Thor’s harebrained schemes or a very stupid prank by Clint!’</p><p>Steve squared his shoulders and tried to look like Captain America. The pout ruined the effect.</p><p>‘He was left behind and was all alone and very small. I couldn’t… the poachers could’ve taken him back and sold him to… bad people. You wouldn’t want bad people to have dinosaurs, would you?’</p><p>Tony would have laughed if he wasn’t so surprised and if he didn’t know, after the Great Watermelon Popsicle Debacle, that laughing at a sulky Steve was a very bad idea</p><p>‘That’s… still, Steve, you’re supposed to be the responsible one.’</p><p>‘Exactly. I could’ve taken care of it.’</p><p>Clearly, that approach wouldn’t work, so Tony put on his best sad eyes and pouted back at Steve.</p><p>‘So you decided to adopt it, without telling me? Don’t you care about my opinion?’</p><p>‘That’s not…’</p><p>‘We’re together now, building our life together. We’re on the same team, working as one. That means we can’t have a pet without you even asking me.’</p><p>Steve frowned as if he were turning the words on his mind. Good. The guilt trip was working.</p><p>‘… sorry, Tony, I didn’t think of that,’ he spat out finally. He was still pouting but his shoulders were slouched now.</p><p>‘Let me get this straight — a dinosaur is only a bad idea because you didn’t ask me first?’</p><p>Steve, wisely, chose not to answer and instead stuck to eating his burger. Tony didn’t bother finishing his before putting an arm around Steve’s waist and leaning his head against his sexy Captain America’s bicep.</p><p>‘Do you… want a pet?’</p><p>‘I’ve never had one.’</p><p>‘So you were going to start with a dinosaur?’</p><p>‘Dinosaurs are fun.’</p><p>‘They’re fun to punch. What were you planning on doing, walking it on Central Park?’</p><p>‘I would have thought of something.’</p><p>Tony laughed. Steve pouted even harder. ‘What are you laughing about?’</p><p>‘It’s nice to know you can still surprise me,’ Tony said and nuzzled his boyfriend. His chest filled with fizzy, bubbly feelings as he watched Steve eat his fries one by one, still pouting but leaning against Tony. Love was about the perfect combination of curiosity, discovery, and comfortable knowledge of each other, after all.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>TWO YEARS LATER</p>
</div><p>Lying inches away from the cliff, Tony’s life flashed in his mind — or rather, Cap’s smile did. Cap, who was too far away from him to help. So it was the end. The end of Tony Stark and it wouldn’t come fighting against the Red Skull or Thanos. No. He’d meet his end in the Savage Land, at the hands of an oversized monkey with anger management issues. He closed his eyes and waited for the monkey’s hairy fist to fall upon him, but instead he heard a growl and a thud and a monkey scream.</p><p>He opened his eyes — a huge dinosaur, pink with yellow spots, was headbutting Wannabe King Kong. That gave the armor enough time to reset itself and Tony enough time to stand up. His jetboots roared and he dashed away from the dinosaur as it pushed the monkey closer and closer to the edge. With one last heroic push, it managed to throw the monkey off the cliff. A loud thud reverberated through the jungle and the dinosaur threw its head back, roaring. Around them, the Monkey Army scattered back into the trees, but Tony didn’t care — he was busy flying into Steve’s open arms. They closed around him and he sagged against Steve’s chest.</p><p>‘Tony! Are you okay?’</p><p>Tony leaned his forehead against Steve’s.</p><p>‘Yes. Just a few bruises.’ He breathed in Steve's smell and let his heartbeat slow down until he couldn't ignore Steve's smirk anymore. ‘What?’</p><p>‘I <em>told you</em> we should’ve kept him.’</p>
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